Single-schmingle 

This post isn’t about body acceptance, but more about confidence. I was in a relationship with my ex-partner for 8 years, to begin with it was everything that was missing from my life, he was in all intents and purposes, the one, I felt it in my bones. We had a good 5 years together, but after the death of my father we both hit the wall head on and it became difficult. A lot of personal issues began to surface and I think we both went into deep denial until the point that we were both spending time apart, only really talking to each other when we went to bed, or left in the morning for work. We were both miserable and so did the decent thing, we split up. I won’t lie, it was a mixture of heartbreak and relief, but mostly relief. What transpired after the breakup was a huge turning point for me, I hadn’t been single for 8 and a half years, it was a frightening prospect to have the security and safety of someone suddenly taken away. Thankfully I had tremendously loving friends (the beautiful Toni, co-author of this blog) who took care of me, put a roof over my head and gave me a safe and warm place to sleep at night. That poor girl put up with me for 6 months and I soon got my own place. Anyway, I digress, being single for the first time in years was a strange experience, I didn’t have much practise before in approaching men and flirting with them (and still don’t to be fair) but I didn’t seem to have many problems attracting the odd man (odd being an understatement!) and since November 2013 I have been with a string of diverse men, but never really reaching it off the ground. The most recent bloke in my life completely knocked me for six, he was pretty much everything I’ve been looking for in a man wrapped up in a six foot two package, but as ever, life enjoys pulling the carpet from under my feet and I’ve been treated pretty damn poorly in my opinion.  It started off so well, so much potential but the calls started to stop, the messages ceased to exist and I’ve not heard a peep out of him for about two weeks now. It got me thinking, was I doing something wrong? Why couldn’t I keep someone interested? And it dawned on me, it’s not my fault, it’s not his fault either. Sometimes things just fall apart, it’s not nice to deal with the fallout of failure, but you just have to try and accept that it is beyond your control, learn what you can, and put all of that towards the next adventure in your life. I kept thinking that I was missing out, I would see all of my friends coupled up and strangers holding hands and I’d get a yearning and longing; but it’s just not my time right now. I don’t necessarily believe in religion or ‘God’, but I do believe in serendipity and fate. I’ll wait patiently for my Mark Darcy and filter out the Daniel Cleavers, and in the meanwhile, I will enjoy being by myself, following my own pursuits and dreams. There is nothing to be afraid of being by yourself, have faith and confidence, shine brightly and enjoy being YOU. It’s taken me a long time to finally realise that being single isn’t a bad thing, you’re not deemed a social outcast because you can’t scare up a date last minute for an event, or an outing with friends. My date is me, doing what I want and wearing the best make up of all, confidence. 

 

And besides, there is so much to enjoy being single;

 

Travelling to any destination in the world, on a whim (and within budget obvs) just imagine waking up, shoving all of your clothes inside a suitcase and just taking off for a long weekend. You’ve always wanted to see the sunsets in Ibiza, or the northern lights in Norway. Go! Nothing’s holding you back.

 

That double bed in your room? How nice is it to stretch out like a starfish, well, when it’s not being taken up by the hoard of clothes, laptop and pizza boxes ;D 

 

And talking of Pizza, I’ll order myself a mega meaty feast, sit down sans pants and inhale it like a duck, spread out on the living room floor watching my favourite programme on the junkbox. 

 

I’m not idealising single-hood, or putting a downer on being coupled up. I am just expressing the fact that it’s perfectly okay to be on your own, and when the time is right, s/he will come into your life, whisk you off your feet and you can both chow down some mien and watch silly cartoons all day. It’s all about perspective 🙂

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3 thoughts on “Single-schmingle 

  1. So many women tie their happiness to a man. I had a friend in high school who went from one guy to another, simply because after a breakup, she didn’t want to be alone. She just felt like she needed to be in a relationship in order to be happy, and its just SO not true! I’m glad you are embracing the single life and focusing on yourself. Someone out there is right for you, just got to be patient!

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    1. I know, it’s so sad! A lot of people go through their younger days not wanting to be alone, but you don’t even know yourself then, especially when you are still growing from a teenager to an adult! We have a friend like that who has stuck with someone really horrible to her for 3 years, hopefully she’ll realise one day
      x Toni

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    2. I completely agree, since embracing my single life I have become so much happier. I don’t feel pressured to conform to societies standards and ideals and I know that when the time is right, everything will slot into place, as the great Bilbo Baggins said ”I’m going for an adventure!” and I really am ^-^

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